Conclusion: We Are What We Think

"To live in the world of creation- to get into it and stay in it- to frequent it and haunt it- to think intensely and fruitfully- to woo combinations and inspirations into being by a depth and continuity of attention and meditation- this is the only thing.... "- Henry James

"When we go through life unaware of the importance of engaging in serious thinking or unwilling to take the time to do so, we are reducing our chances to be happy. Unfortunately, in the age of distraction, this is the lot of billions of us." (Forni, p. 167). However if we are aware and take the time to truly engage in effective thinking we can create the kind of wonderful life that we'd like to live. 

Because as Forni states great thinking....

1. Makes you aware of other people's needs, which is necessary to having harmonious relationships with them. Empathy is a form of thinking.
2. Makes you more productive at work. Great teamwork, sustained focus, creativity, and good leadership are all made possible by outstanding thinking.
3. Allows you to be more in charge of your future than you would otherwise be. Being proactive is the decisive factor here.
4. Allows you to soften the blow of adverse events large and small.  The mental preparation you did in the good times will pay off handsomely.
5. Keeps you from suffering the negative consequences of impulsive decisions.
6. Enables you to know your weaknesses and how to compensate for them, and your strengths and how to capitalize on them.

This book has given me the opportunity to reflect on many aspects of my life in which I will spend more time thinking and reflecting about.  I kept thinking of Forni's other book that I really loved, Choosing Civility.  Especially his chapter on being a thoughtful person and taking the time to think before speaking.  We are in a new age of technology that keeps moving things along faster and faster and I think it is important for us individually but also as a human race to take some time to stop and think about every aspect of our societies and world.  We need to take time to care about the needs of others, find the truly important aspects of life, and live a life with intention and meaning.  This good life can only be led if we take the time to live it thoughtfully. 

So live, love, laugh, and continue to learn everyone!  

Choosing to Be Thoughtful

What does it mean to be a thoughtful person?

Thoughtful- Full of thought; meditative; thinking.

Thoughtful- Heedful, careful, attentive, especially considerate of others, kind.  - Webster's Dictionary

"You are thoughtful if you are a thinker, but you are also thoughtful if you are considerate. To be considerate, you need, first of all, to pay attention to other people and care for them- in other words, you need to think about them and their well-being." (Forni, p. 150). 

My husband recently asked me at our family dinner table, why I loved him so much.  I was trying to find the right words, when my 10-year old daughter blurted out, "Because daddy is so thoughtful".  She had chosen just the right word, thoughtful.  My husband is a man who notices the details about other people.  He thinks about others, anticipates the needs of others, and acts to help others in need.  I considered myself to be a thoughtful person as well, however after reading this chapter, I can see that I have some skills that need to be fine-tuned.  For example, Forni goes into detail on how and why we should be taking more time to think before speaking and I need to work on this skill.  As Forni states, "The process of thinking before speaking often takes only a handful of seconds, making it one of your best investments of time.  We are talking about your ability to relate to your fellow humans."  I plan to spend more time thinking before speaking. 

Managing Adversity

"There is no education like adversity." - Benjamin Disraeli

In this chapter, Forni, helps us to see all that can be learned from adversity and the trials of life.  "Adversity allows you to rediscover the importance of what is priceless, such as family, friends, and health.  It can even teach you that most difficult of arts: being present in the moment.  All you need is the flexibility to revise your priorities, flexibility, acceptance, optimism, patience, and your commitment to causes larger than your own self-interest are the foundations upon which to build your response to adversity." (Forni, p. 144)

Tonight I attended a benefit for a friend of our family.  He has been given a 10% chance of living past this year as he has an aggressive form of brain cancer.  His daughter is my daughter's good friend and they have three small children just like we have three small children.  Tonight he was surrounded by hundreds of loving friends and family members and he was smiling and talking with everyone.  They sold over 500 bracelets with the word, HOPE, written on one side and I am wearing my hope bracelet right now.  He is holding onto hope, just as everyone in that room tonight is holding onto hope for him and his family.   Adversity truly teaches us what is important in life, and tonight I am reminded that life is hard and fleeting. I hugged my friends and family a little harder tonight. 

"The great Stoic thinkers remind us that we should accept suffering because it is part of the human condition.  We have not completely matured until we have gone through all that comes with adversity. Suffering is always a test. It is a test of our fortitude and resilience when we are the ones who suffer and a test of our compassion when it is other who do.  By fostering introspection, adversity fosters self-knowledge and indeed wisdom.  Everybody suffers, but it is not everybody's lot to be incapacitated by suffering. We may all be born with different levels of resiliency, but all of us can raise our own.  It takes self-awareness and willpower to find tranquility in adversity." (Forni, p. 145). 

My friend has seemed to find at least some tranquility in his adversity tonight.  Tonight was a very hopeful night and it was wonderful to see so much love and support in one room.  Tonight I am reflecting on the priceless things in life and feeling love and gratitude to be alive and healthy.  I pray my friend will again be healthy as well.  

Nurturing Outstanding Thinking, Insight, Discovery and Creativity

As I was reading this chapter on nurturing innovative, creative thinking, I kept thinking of another book that I have enjoyed reading and re-reading over the years, The Creative Spirit....

In this book, as in Forni's chapter on the same subject, the authors explain how creative, new ideas are generated by great thinking and a supportive environment.  Forni lists the following suggested ways to "Pave the way to Eureka!"

1. Believe in  yourself and in your cognitive and creative abilities.
2. Start looking at innovations in all sorts of fields and studying the process from idea to realization that brought them into being.
3. Keep paying attention to the world around you.
4. Ask "Why?"
5. Fill your pockets with written observations or questions and chances are you will find some interesting connections among them, this may lead you to insight.
6. Connecting things that are far apart from one another allows brilliant people to widen and deepen knowledge and to solve problems.
7. Keep your curiosity and enthusiasm alive and healthy.
8. Flexibility is essential.
9. Find a good environment for thinking and find the time for thinking.

Embracing Positivity

The above is my favorite quote and I have added it to my signature line in my emails.  This idea is an important part of my attitude about work and life and it has helped me to see the solutions to my daily problems and also to find happiness.   In Forni's chapter on positivity he speaks about the importance of keeping a positive spirit and optimism as a way to see the possible positive future that you would like to try to make happen.  Your attitude will shape how you see the past and the present as well. Will you see adversity as a nightmare or a puzzle to be solved?  Positive thoughts lead to positive, proactive actions. As Forni states, "The thoughts we carry around in our heads make us the people we are and give shape to the lives we live."  When we have a positive attitude and are optimistic about our future, we are better equipped to make the important decisions in life that will lead to positive results.  "It is the faith that leads to achievement". 

Proactivity as a meta-virtue-  As Forni states, "Proactivity is both a dynamic and wise way of being in the world, often supported by a positive attitude". Thinking of possible obstacles and avoiding these by making positive proactive choices leads to an avoidance of many unnecessary conflicts or problems.  It is the art of preparing and thinking and then acting without delay or procrastination.  Often we will procrastinate a task that we find unpleasant or not act at all when an obstacle is looming.  This often results in extra stress, work and conflict when issues aren't resolved in a timely manner.  Much of our stress can be reduced when we anticipate the future and act in a thoughtful, timely way.  The following are the benefits that Forni lists for being proactive....

1. You are in control of your feelings and therefore of your choices.
2. By showing both yourself and the world that you have the willpower to take the path of greater resistance, you increase your sense of self-worth.
3. By acting before problems become intractable, you make life less stressful for yourself, your loved ones, and your colleagues.
4. By acquiring a reputation as a problem solver, you become indispensable at work and are rewarded with promotions.
5. By leading a thinking life, you lead a safer life.
6. You are gratified by feeling that you at doing both the right and the expedient thing.
7. By promptly taking care of unpleasant tasks, you do not experience the dreading that come with procrastination.